From Valedictorians to Prom Queens:Does the Playing Field Level with Age?
Do women who haven’t thought of themselves as attractive when they were younger feel differently as they age than women who have? From our interviews with women, we conclude, yes, they do. And the answer seems to lie in the fact that the playing field gets leveled as women get older. Women who never thought of themselves as particularly attractive realize that those women, whose beauty they once envied, are all aging. The “in” crowd at school, models in magazines and actors on cosmetic ads, they all have to deal with their changing looks……
Genetics and beauty are not dealt out evenly at birth, but EVERYONE ages. Women who grew up counting on their looks for their sense of well being seem more desperate to stop the changes that come with age. They find themselves trying harder to hold on to their youthful looks and, as a result, their changing looks make them feel less attractive. Some of these former beauties have taken their looks for granted and it’s only when they face losing their youthful looks that they begin to take care of them. By the time women in their 50s show up at their high school reunions, it’s the women who feel confident in their lives, not just their looks, that appear attractive. The playing field has changed.
We believe women can feel increasingly beautiful if they redefine beauty as they age. Women who hold on rigidly to their sense of youthful beauty lose their appeal as they try too hard to hold on to it. Women can gain a sense of attractiveness as they age, even if they never thought of themselves as beautiful, by gaining confidence that their beauty comes from how they take care of themselves, who they are and who they’ve become. What do you think? –Dr. Vivian and Dr. Jill
Category: Articles, Face It | Tags: aging, beauty, playing field is leveled as you age 2 comments »
May 13th, 2011 at 7:10 pm
I know this post is old, but I am very glad that you wrote about this topic, and I really want to comment on it. I myself have had a face that, for all of my life, has not been considered beautiful or pretty, or even cute by anyone. Now that I am 48, I am not noticing the loss of the privileges of beauty, which I never did have. (Like being able to use one’s looks to get freebies and to get better treatment from other people.) Getting all of my self-esteem from my intelligence, education, character, personal relationships, and creativity are something I have been doing all my life and not something I have to figure out how to do in mid-life. Interacting with people, making friends, interviewing for jobs, with only my personality and character is what I have always done. I’m married, but if I was dating it would be the same as ever: having to make an effort to allow a man to get to know my personality and overcome the initial lack of physical attraction.
About redefining beauty as we age. To my understanding, for the pretty woman, “beauty” means the kind of appearance that, when a man views her for the first time, makes him want to get to know her better and investigate the possibility of a romantic or sexual relationship. I also think that that kind of beauty has a halo effect and confers advantages in most every area of life.
I think that for the most part, that kind of beauty requires that the woman be younger than menopause-age. So after middle age, I would define beauty more as the way a woman’s affect and appearance attract all people to her, so that they see her as a person worthy of getting to know. This is the beauty of her soul, character, and personality that attracts others in a platonic, non-sexual way. This confidence will not come from feeling or knowing that she looks “hot” (sexually attractive) to others. I suppose beautiful women have to get used to the idea that this new kind of beauty is not the kind that inspires complete strangers to approach you and tell you you’re beautiful and ask for your phone number.
RE: the playing field: I do not believe that it becomes quite so even. A middle-aged or older woman who has a youthful physique and a facial bone structure which is feminine and symmetrical will still be seen by others as prettier than the same-age plain woman. I’ll bet that in the nursing home, the former beauties get better treatment than the lifelong homely ones.
I do agree with your comments about how taking care of oneself is a source of beauty to the non-genetically gifted and the older woman. Speaking of my own experience, by staying slim, not tanning (even in my teens), never smoking, and eating well, I seem to have avoided some of the wrinkling that other women my age are lamenting. So I feel a little more attractive than I used to, relative to my peers, because I haven’t gone downhill quite so precipitiously as some.
July 18th, 2011 at 7:50 am
Cheers good piece.
l read your whole story, 1 found it 2 b very very intriguing. :^) Stepping away from Best Bet Diet. Other 12dietboost users @ Bedford?