Describe a moment when you felt most attractive? Give us details. Were you alone or with someone? When and Why?
Category: Question of the Week | Tags: aging, beauty, looking and feeling good, Perspective, self-image 10 comments »
10 Responses to “Describe a moment when you felt most attractive? Give us details. Were you alone or with someone? When and Why?”
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April 1st, 2010 at 1:37 am
I felt most attractive when I was pregnant. I have had three children and during all my pregnancies I was lucky to have little physical discomfort and a lot of emotional pleasure. I think I was on a hormonal high each time. Inside and out I felt like I glowed. I think that’s why one of my uh-oh moments, was when I recognized that having children was no longer possible. It meant coming to terms with the end of a phase of my life that I associated with being attractive in that way. I have found other ways to be productive, but I will always look back to those months of pregnancy as some of the most beautiful times in my life. Dr. Vivian
April 13th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
I’m not a religious person, but once I went to church and the minister was preaching on “idols”. That the reason we feel such anxiety is because we make things like money, power, status, children, or sex appeal more important than God.
The featured bible story was Hanna, who was unable to have children. During her time, an infertile woman could not fully participate in society. Her constant prayer was “Give me children, O Lord, or I die”, revealing intense despair. Finally, she makes a bargain with God: should she bare a child, she would offer it to God. She finally finds her peace by letting go of her need to have children.
As a single woman who wishes to get married, what struck me was how real and relevant her story was for me. It’s a shame that most of us no longer have regular convening groups ( like going to church) in which we learn again and again where to place our true value ( not on things that can perish).
Being in that church, being reminded that there is a greater reality made me feel beautiful. I use to think that believing in God would only make me feel condemned. I was the one who wanted control of my life. But ironically, as we age, we realize that life is not as much in your control as you think- especially as our young bodies slowly slip away from our grasp. Believing that character is the most important thing about a person take regular, constant practice. It is ultimately the only thing that will make us feel forever beautiful.
April 14th, 2010 at 4:18 am
Jessie,
The feelings of judgement and condemnation, whether at the hands of one’s own self or from others, including God, can leave a person feeling very anxious and unworthy.
It seems that you’ve arrived at a place of self-acceptance and self-worth.
Dr. Jill
April 25th, 2011 at 4:09 am
I felt the most attractive in my early 40s (although, at age 49, I do not feel unattractive now). That was the age I discovered the raw food diet. I was also doing cardio kickboxing, strength training, and yoga. The lifestyle changes I made in my early 40s brought me inner peace and happiness. It also put me at my ideal weight, gave me beautiful muscle definition, and glowing skin. It was the first time I can honestly say I felt sexy.
At this point, I had just gotten separated from my husband. Even though my marriage had come to an end there was more positive happening to me than there was negative.
April 25th, 2011 at 12:07 pm
I will be writing a post soon here and on Huffington Post about the commonalities among women who say they feel more attractive as they age. It seems as if there is a leveling of the playing field for women regarding beauty and aging and I think it would be interesting to know why. Thanks so much for taking time to comment. I always learn from these blog posts. Dr. Vivian
April 25th, 2011 at 6:52 pm
I am struggling with some conflicts as I age – at 51 I feel both my best ever and my worst. Kind of like Dicken’s opening line in A Tale of Two Cities…”it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” While I sometimes admit I catch myself in the mirror and am disheartened by the lines and sags, there are other times when I admire the face staring back at me – full of character and wisdom and, yes, beauty. I do believe that older people – women and men – can be truly physically beautiful, something that the media doesn’t seem to want us to believe. But what really goes into that outward beauty is the sense of confidence and life lived wisdom that makes a person “glow” in a much different way than someone twenty or even thirty. That “glow” is what I see emanating from myself on the good days when I pass by a mirror. And, it’s that beauty – a real physical and inner beauty – that I want to hold onto in to my next few decades.
April 26th, 2011 at 1:01 am
You describe the psychological process of aging and “changing looks” so poignantly. At age 51, some women say they are moving through their most difficult times — mourning the loss of youthful looks and entering the next phase when a new sense of beauty emerges. Continue moving forward open to what you feel and I have confidence you will come through this feeling –and looking — better and better. Thanks for you comment. Dr. Vivian
May 15th, 2011 at 12:38 am
I think it was during my 50’s. I had made peace with the competitiveness (with other women for the attention of men) and had learned to enjoy being just me, with myself. It was very liberating.
May 19th, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Now at age 57 the time I felt the most beautiful was when I turned 40. Everyone was telling me it was all over but I was just beginning to really come into myself. I experienced the loss of my Mother and her Mother within one year at that age; emotionally I helped them through the end of their lives. I felt such accomplishment and peace at that time but also weathered great psychological loss and grief. I work as and artist and have always appreciated people of all ages. In my younger years I was doing portraiture. I would like to return to it, just to prove to myself the prophetic beliefs I had when I was younger, that we are all beautiful in some way and at all ages. All of a sudden, I am there, happy, sad, still feeling and recognizing my wisdom and what I have to still offer the world. I try very hard to listen to my heart and recognize where I am on the time line. I value peace over being perfect anymore. Tough process but I feel there are many more discoveries to come.
May 25th, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Just finished reading your book “Face It” and while I truly enjoyed it and felt it was extremely well written I must confess that I have some residual disappointment over the fact that I never got the sense that aging women could be beautiful physically because so much emphasis was made on the beauty being on the inside. I also felt that compounding that sense was the fact that there was so little evidence of men finding older women attractive physically. I was hoping to hear from men directly who might refute this presumption perhaps through interviewing them we might find that this is more of a misconception? Nonetheless, I think the two authors are on the absolute right track in terms of helping women understand and cope with aging issues. Well written and I appreciate the insights. Thank you! Anne